Helping Yourself Heal During the Holiday Season

If you are grieving, the approaching holiday season can be difficult.  For many people, the sights, sounds and smells associated with the holidays may bring up memories about the person who has died.  The twinkling lights, cheerful music, family gatherings and societal expectation of joyous holiday spirit can bring about a renewed sense of personal grief. 

There is no right or wrong way to feel during the holiday season.  It is important to be tolerant and compassionate with yourself as you continue to heal.  We hope that these suggestions, adapted from the work of Dr. Alan Wolfelt, will help you to cope with your grief during this joyous, yet painful, time of the year.

• Be Compassionate with Yourself: let your holiday grief be what it is and give yourself permission to feel what you feel.
• Survive: If the death was recent, you may be in survival mode this holiday season and that is okay – the world will keep turning whether you participate in the holidays or not.  
• Be Tolerant of your Physical and Psychological Limits: grief can leave you feeling fatigued and low energy levels may naturally slow you down.  Respect what your mind and body are telling you and build in time for resting and self-care.
• Eliminate Unnecessary Stress: avoid overextending yourself and take steps to reduce the expectations placed on you during the holidays.  Consider simplifying your holiday rituals instead of abandoning them altogether.  Keep the traditions that matter most to you and set the others aside, at least for now.
• Be with Supportive, Comforting People: identify those friends and relatives who understand that the holiday season can increase your sense of loss. Being with people who encourage you to be yourself and accept your feelings – both happy and sad.
• Talk About the Person Who Died: recognize the need to remember your special person and include them in conversations and traditions. It can be help to acknowledge the person who died, perhaps by setting a place at the holiday table, hanging an ornament/stocking or cooking their favorite meal.
• Do What is Right for You During the Holidays: focus on what you want to do and what feels right for you. Muster up the courage to communicate your wishes to the people in your life who support you.
• Plan Ahead for Family Gatherings: Decide which family traditions you want to continue and which new ones you would like to begin. Structuring your holiday time can help you anticipate what is coming and reduce feelings of panic, anxiety and fear.  However, as you make your plans leave room to change them if you feel you need to.
• Embrace Your Treasured Memories: memories are part of the legacy left behind when someone dies. Keep in mind that memories are tinged with both happiness and sadness. If your memories bring laughter, smile.  If your memories bring sadness, it is alright to cry.  Sharing your memories with family and friends can be a comfort.
• Renew Your Resources for Living: Spend time thinking about the meaning and purpose of your life and define the positive things that still surround you. This is not to discount the hurt, because the hurt is part of grieving, but it can also be helpful to identify things that make life meaningful.
• Attend a Remembrance Ceremony: many communities host special remembrance ceremonies during the holidays. The act of joining together with others in grief and ritualizing mourning can be very healing during the holidays.
• Believe in a Better Next Year: believe in your capacity to heal and grow through holiday grief.

Above all, love yourself and allow yourself to be surrounded by loving, caring people who understand your grief this holiday season.  The Palliative Care Volunteer Service extends the invitation for grievers to participate in several events being hosted across Prairie Mountain Health. Please note, many religious organizations also host Blue Christmas Services.  For more information about these events, or to add your community event to the list, please contact the Palliative Care Volunteer and Bereavement Coordinator at 204-578-2310.

Prairie Mountain Health Remembrance Ceremonies:

Brandon Brockie Donovan Tree of Memories Lighting: December 5, 2024 at 7:00pm

Brandon Memories Chapel Christmas Service: December 6^, 2024 at 7pm

Boissevain Longest Night Service December 21, 2024 at 7:00pm

Carberry Memory Tree of Lights Ceremony: December 13, 2024 at 5:30

Dauphin Pathways Funeral Service: December 16, 2024, at TBA

Erickson Memory Tree Lighting Ceremony: December 21, 2024 at 7pm

Killarney Tree of Lights Service: December 11, 2024 at 7:00pm

Minnedosa: Longest Night Service: Dec 21, 2024 at 7:00pm

Rivers Community Memorial Service: November 3, 2024 at 3:00pm

Russell Memory Tree Lighting: November 29, 2024 at 7:00pm

Souris Blue Christmas Ceremony: December 1^, 2024 at 7:00pm

Swan Rivers Angels Among Us Service: December 4, 2024 at 7:00pm

Virden Memory Tree Lighting: November 21, 2024 at 7:00pm

If you cannot join an event in person, you may wish to join a free webinar being hosted by the Canadian Virtual Hospice titled “Grief Chats: Grief and the Holidays” (December 9^th, 2024). Visit the website to register.

Wishing you comfort this holiday season,

Palliative Care Volunteer Service

Submitted By: Carla Mitchell, MSW/RSW
Volunteer and Bereavement Coordinator
PMH Palliative Care Program